I really need you right now. Everything is just wrong and I can’t even talk to you. I’m so mad at you and your not even here for me to cuss you out. I’m mad at you because you let yourself get to where you are. You were being selfish. like always you don’t think about anybody else. You were the person I could go to and we wouldn’t have to say a word to each other we would just have a good time and laugh our asses off. I slept over Mandy’s last night and I would usually call you in the morning and ask you to bring me something to wear for school. Nobody was there for me to ask this morning. I’m pissed off about this stupid school and no one cares and if you were here you would be saying something stupid to try and cheer me up. The world is so fake..wait nevermind fake is reality. Yeah it really is. Now who am I going to get ready for proms or dances or graduation with? We had so many plans together. I don’t know when or if your coming back to Philly but I still want the things we planned together to happen. Honestly I don’t know why but I feel like you died. I know I shouldn’t say that but your gone and I have no way to talk or see you. Life is so complicated especially since high school started and I have no one to help me get through it with anymore. I miss you and most importantly i need you.
The past year i’ve been really dreading my life. Carrying around all this guilt. I don’t like to socialize or go out anymore. I spend days laying in bed, just waiting for the next day to come. I feel trapped, like something is holding me back. Things that I’ve been constantly thinking about these past few months are mostly things that have to do with the future. I’m in a rush to grow up. I know I shouldn’t but i just don’t want to be here, in this place I’m in now.
Change your brother’s diaper after you go make him a bottle. Wake your sister up to get ready for school. Get off the computer and find something better to do. Eat rice, or you won’t be full. This is how you will be the perfect daughter we planned to have. This is how you brush your hair. This is how you dress yourself. What kind of young lady dresses like that? Don’t sit like that. Stand up straight. Go to school. Get an education. This is how you can go to college. This is how you will find a career you will be proud of. Or do you want to be jobless without a high school diploma with 3 babies before your 21 like all of your cousins? This is how you don’t give yourself to a boy that will probably never talk to you again after he gets what he wants. Don’t talk to boys, you can find a husband later. Come home right away. Your not a boy, you can’t go out. This is how you make dinner for your family. This is how you sweep the house every morning. This is how you will be a wife. This is how you will grow into being a Cambodian girl. You are not American. You are not allowed to hang out with your friends. Family first.
I really hate it when a boy tries to talk to me and i look like shit that day. Like i know that should be a good thing cause he’s interested in me and he can see pass my looks but I am just so uncomfortable with the way i look and feel without makeup because i have really bad skin. But at the same time it really makes my day when I’m on the bus looking terrible and a random boy tells me I’m beautiful.